The Medical History

In preparation for my Cardiologist appointment on Monday I had to review my brief (hahahaha) medical history. It has now evolved into something that more closely resembles a novel by J.R.R Tolkien and weighs roughly the same as a small child. This vaguely depressing snapshot of life so far is generally updated every year or so as new conditions decide to reveal themselves or old ones wake from hibernation to wreak havoc on my A) Legs, B) Back, C) Entire Self. This time however was a little different.

Since discovering the existence of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) I realised that there may be one condition that covers all (or at least most) of my problems, rather than a separate diagnosis for each body part. Making me feel like a textbook diagram med students may be asked to label.  This has meant combing through my history adding forgotten details and trying to remember the results of tests and exams of by gone years and a small army of doctors.

Normally, I would count myself as quite resilient but when it came to today's edit I found myself feeling fairly broken hearted for my family and I. We've been through a lot, the only ages not listed with a specific illness or injury are 1, 5 and 15. All other 16 of my 19 years has had something new spring up when the universe felt that life may be going too smoothly.

I often come across problems at the doctors, so many of my illnesses overlap that it can be difficult to separate which symptom came from where. Very few doctors take a holistic view of their patients, meaning that you can have two different diagnosis for the same problem in different parts of your body. In my case Erythromelalgia in my legs and Raynaud's Phenomenon in my hands, both diagnosed due to colour change, pain and temperature change. Both of which I'm now realising may actually be POTS symptoms not separate problems. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly trying to pair socks, matching as many pairs as possible but still being left with odd socks that have to be stuffed away in a pile somewhere until I can eventually find their match. 

I'm slowly beginning to pair off my socks, figuring out how to best manage each of my illnesses and balance my expectations with my body's limits. I'm never going to fully understand or live within my limits because life doesn't work that way, things are always changing. It's all about figuring out when the fun is worth the price you pay for it, it will always be worth overdoing it for a wedding or a night out with friends. The trick is to find the balance of your everyday so that you can have those days.